A part of me gone. [Friday July 24th, 2009 at 8:32pm] In an instant, he is being swept away from me. The walls came collapsing down on me. As the tears streaked down my cheeks. I blinked and blinked but my vision blurred. I was lost. I am lost. A part of me is gone. That much i can say. I will miss you. I am sorry. 0 >> reply >> edit

Hello hey hello. [Saturday June 27th, 2009 at 4:33pm] And so i have decided to update while waiting for sisters to get ready for kenduri at my auntie's. Where do we start aye? A whole lot of things have been happening and there were times when i wish i had 20k to just get myself out from this hell. But my ego and pride stopped myself from thinking the way i did and i kept reminding myself that i am strong. Stronger than most! :) I had a bad week. My pride was bruised. But i held on, put up a strong front and continued smiling and laughing. I held my tears from flowing. I pulled through.  I am disappointed in someone whom promised me changes. Sometimes i feel that i have been used and taken granted for. But it will not happen again. We both have nothing to lose and i can only thank him for always being there for me and thank you for all the wonderful memories.  My dudettes. I miss spending time with them. I miss just hanging out with them and doing nothing. I use to meet them every single day. I use to do every single thing with them. And suddenly, its all GONE!! Eventho its been almost 2 months, im still not used to the idea. Im missing out alot. They are growing up with my absence. Sighz. Powerpuff girls. HAHAHA~ The ones i go thru shit with. They are the ones i do everything and anything with. Spending 5 days a week with them, they are basically like sisters. The only ones i trust inside. We suffer together, we laugh together, we cry together. I love ARLYSYA!! Till then.    0 >> reply >> edit

Its already Sunday. [Sunday May 24th, 2009 at 9:12am] It sucks enough that time is not on my side. Weekends drive pass ever so quickly while the weekdays, crawl by ever so slowly. When im in camp, i miss my family. I miss the people that matters. There are days when i cry just thinking of my family, especially my mum. I dont know why but i miss her the most. Sometimes i just dont feel like going out cause i just wana be home with her. And by the time the weekend arrives, ill be half dead. It doesnt help that tonnes of people are asking me out and having to reject them umpteen times just isnt nice. I dont know what to do. For once, my priorities are jumbled up. It has gone heirwire. And my tiredness and health has taken a toll on me. K wtv. My squadmates are awhsum. We are like family. The boys treat us like their sisters. :) :) :) That is definitely bound to happen cause they are with you every single day. We do everything together. Because we are super cool, other squads hate us. Boohoo~ Self explanatory. Training is tough, for the girls at least. But because of the company, we are strong enough to endure all the shits that was given to us. It doesnt help that people are picking on us ok!!! UURRGGHHH~ K wtv. Sunday is once again here. Ill be booking in tonight. I miss the people that matters this week and i know they are disappointed. I just hope they understand. Its a brand new week and i look forward to kicking my own ass this week. Pushing myself beyond limits. I miss my bunkmates alr. HAHA. Their crazy-ness!!! I miss the boys. The ones that make me laugh till i grow abs. HAHA~ K wtv. Im off to polishing my drill boots!!! Charomano~ Till then. 2 >> reply >> edit

[Monday April 27th, 2009 at 5:26pm] What intrigues you, seriously? While i try my utmost best to forget the reason why we are here in the first place, it is always you who never fail to remind me. Constantly and effortlessly. Why? Because it is just you. Your priorities are all tangled up in a mess and until you untangle it, we will always be in this situation. Do not feel any anger when i make decisions that does not include you but instead, try to understand. You never try to prove me wrong. Instead, you embrace it. I made a mistake on my part. It was too easy. This upcoming change will be a challenge. For you and I. And until you figure out how things should be, separate the right and the wrong, you will not win anything. What is it that you really want? If its not the same thing as i, then do not waste both our time and effort. Or maybe, have you already decided what you really want and that it has changed..? Because you know that I will not always be here. Not anymore.   0 >> reply >> edit

:) [Thursday April 23rd, 2009 at 3:17pm] [ mood | badan sakit!! ] My body is aching, thanks to Arah. My ankle is injured, thanks to Ain. And as much as i cant wait for Saturday's game, i really hope my ankle recovers soon. I soooo wana play my best and help team Sambooka rock the place. Giggles. So, next thursday is the day. Good bye goyang kaki phrase! Nervous fcuk. Till then. P.S: I miss awak. 0 >> reply >> edit

Because vampires are HOT. [Saturday April 18th, 2009 at 5:03pm] [ mood | accomplished ] Im a vampire addict. Ive watched the whole season 1 of trueblood  (thanks to none other than my dear awak) and ive read all of stephanie meyer's books (i sooo bloody love the books! GOSH!! Especiall the last one, breaking dawn! It was awhsum!! Cant wait for the movie to be directed). My next aim would definitely to read books from Charlaine Harris, Sookie Stackhouse Series. And i cant wait for Season 2 of trueblood. As much as i love Grey's Anatomy, i can see this winning over. Oooppss~ I love the way Edward Cullen is, his character and all, and i love the way my hot sexy vampire, Bill, looks. HAHA. Perfect combination. Wakakaka. Bella and Sookie are both hot too (prefer Bella tho)!!!! Ok, its confusing. Nevermind. Whatever it is, im addicted to vampire shows. And meet Bill, Soo hot sia!! Till then. 3 >> reply >> edit

Ride of my life. [Wednesday April 1st, 2009 at 1:10pm] I had the ride of my life last night. And i thought i drove like fcuk when im angry. I almost got into an accident umpteen times when i was fir cause we ALWAYS quarrel when im driving. Serious fcuk ok. No kidding. And i let my temper control me.  So yah. Apparently, fcuk is an understatement. Never let a man drive when they are pissed off, seriously. I thought i was going to die last night!! Goodness!! But cheap thrill! I LOVE IT!! Woohoo~ Call me crazy or what la hor. And thanks guys for last night. I enjoyed it much. Fresh air. HAHA~ Lets do it again again again. :) Till then. 0 >> reply >> edit

The other way around. [Tuesday March 31st, 2009 at 12:55pm] I think im finally beginning to understand. It feels that ive switched places. I am in someone else's shoes right now and i sooo totally understand now yo. Feelings just cant be forced. If you really like that someone, you dont even have to try. It comes all naturally. And i dont like you. Its just.... different. Messy sia. K bye. 0 >> reply >> edit

The future scares me. [Wednesday March 25th, 2009 at 10:34am] [ mood | happy ] I am not sure whether I am ready to embark on this new journey where the path is leading me to. I am happy, no doubt. Excited about it too but like they say, bumpy roads are inevitable. Career - I cant wait to start. But i will miss the people that matters. I hope ill find passion in whatever that I am doing. The same spark that teaching in Yuhua Primary School gave me. Well hey, i dont have a choice. Im fcuking bonded. (-_-) People that matters - Gosh! I love them more than ever ever ever. It had always been quality over quantity for me when it comes to friends. And these few are definitely worth keeping. The most loyal-est ever. The ones who will always have your back. :) [My dearest awak - Eventhough we hardly talk, hardly meet up, always argue, i changed, i suck more, u more iritating and get all crazy that is fcuking annoying, blablabla, you are always included in this category. Always ok gondol.] Family - Ahhh! My dearest OHANA! They have been nothing but supportive in the decisions that I have been making. Eventhough I have made kezillion of bad choices in my life, they have always been the one to pull me out from whatever shit that i was in. And my overprotective sisters - one is always scolding me while the other one is always backing me out. HEEEEE~ I love them. Love - This word here that is used to describe a feeling (that is supposedly to be a very strong feeling) is over rated. I would like to look at it, not as a feeling, but more of a lesson that you learn in life whenever this word is involved. Ceh ceh ceh!! *giggles* [And i think i learnt alot leh. Now genius fcuk la sia. HEEEE~] I dare say I am the happiest I have ever been. Alhamdulilah. Oh~ A loud shoutout to my dearest baby sister, Ain, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY MONKEY!!! Tonight, we are gonna get you drunk drunk drunk!! We are gonna partay partay partay!! Woohoo~~~~~ Till then.   0 >> reply >> edit

Mind games. [Wednesday March 18th, 2009 at 4:52pm] Im bloody sick and tired of all these fcuking mind games. My brain cells are deteriorating for an unworthy cause. Fcuking shit. 0 >> reply >> edit

Life's too short. [Thursday March 12th, 2009 at 2:38pm] I couldnt sleep last night. I tossed and turned and tried to find peace with my mind but to no avail. I started counting sheeps till the numbers reached 100 but i still couldnt sleep. Not funny ok! I was feeling soo uurrgghh~ And then i started to think about life at a larger scale. Im too focused about the consequences of everything. Im too focused about the what ifs. Im too focused about the future being scary. It made me lost. Literally lost. To the extend that i dont know what to expect anymore. I shouldnt hope. I shouldnt even hope for a teeny weeny bit. Life's too short for regrets. Life's too short to be stuck at a chapter of its very own story. Life's too short for unhappiness. Life is simply just too short. Period.  I want to be happy. And im tired of trying to make everyone happy except my own. Is there anyone game enough to take me on? Till then. 2 >> reply >> edit

Sambooka Whoosh~ [Sunday March 8th, 2009 at 11:46pm] [ mood | happy ] I love my team Sambooka!! :) Eventhough we got looked down at by a few of the opposing teams, we still won them. Proves to show that bitches and sluts are just bloody losers. Phuik! I just finished watching myself on video playing like fcuk during the second game! I was like fcuking lost la hor. And i sooooo deserved to be fcuked by arah. *bows down in shame* I teared not cause i couldnt accept that arah scolded me and said i played atrociously but i teared cause i was disappointed with myself. I knew i could do better but i didnt!! Sighz sighz sighz! But we won that game so yah. P.S: Anis and i look so alike from the video that i had to try super hard to differentiate myself from her. But Anis has a distinguished move that seperates her from everyone else. So yah. Ok im exhausted (and my eyes are bloodshot red!!) but i cant bloody sleeeeeeeeep! Sleeping pills pulak pe!! GILE!! Till then. 0 >> reply >> edit

[Saturday March 7th, 2009 at 10:44am] Because i am up at a very early time, i am bored. Bored fcuk. So, i stalk Priscilla Ahn. Giggles. Ok, let you in on a secret. I look at her sing, AT LEAST 3 times, every day. I know!! Im from loserville. So what yo?! She is f-fing gorgeous and she sings f-fing well. And if arah finds out that im obsessed with her as well, she is going to kill me. Slaughter me and prolly chop me up into pieces. Cause apparently, according to arah, Priscilla Ahn is hers. Ok wtv.    This entry acts as an evident proof that im bored. K bye. Shall hog the tv now. I WANT MY TWILIGHT BOOK AND I WANT IT NOW!!! 0 >> reply >> edit

[Friday March 6th, 2009 at 9:09pm] Ok date is very funny! Giggles. So random. Bluek~ 0 >> reply >> edit

De-stress! [Wednesday March 4th, 2009 at 10:24pm] Ok, while im typing this out, someone is trying his best to physco me to choose prisons over police. Giggles. Dammit! Now, im considering again! Fish la you!! Fish fish fish!! Well, he is doing a great job so far. (-_-) I was upset over something not worth getting upset over, earlier today, but thanks to someone for making my day a whole lot better. Hugs! <3 I went to do some window shopping to keep my mind off things. You being around itself turned my frown into a smile. I seriously dont know what id do without you. And i cant wait to see baby masha tomorrow. HEHE. Sexcited hor!! What im doing here im still unsure. I hope one day ill just wake up and do the right thing. For the benefit of everyone. You are nowhere insight and the weirdest thing is that im perfectly fine with it. Getting numb over you is what im beginning to feel and i know it doesnt matter at all, but somehow, you lost me. And like you, ill not come back. I used to think that this was worth saving and that i refuse to forsake whatever it is that was built, but everything is crystal clear now. It is very much pointless. We dont need each other. Neither do we want each other. This was never what i wanted. Life's unpredictability once again knocked my senses fcuk. But im stronger. Because i know that even if you are not around, ive got others who will always be around for me. And for that, im always thankful. Goodbye and till then. 0 >> reply >> edit

[Monday March 2nd, 2009 at 11:21pm] [ mood | bloody confused!! ] That's it! Im in a dilemma. I am unsure about almost everything that is in my life right now. And to think that it used to be super duper simple when it comes to lily's life. I am a big girl and i know i can do this. I know i am able to decide on my own. But can i, really? Just when i thought i can sleep everything through. Not this time Lily. Future at stake. 0 >> reply >> edit

[Monday March 2nd, 2009 at 1:18pm] OH AND I LOVE TEAM SAMBOOKA!!!!! WE ARE SO COOL!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA~ k watever. 1 >> reply >> edit

[Monday March 2nd, 2009 at 12:45pm] [ mood | sleepy ] Before i start on my assignment (that is due yesterday), i have decided to do this. :) Well, im easily distracted and i cannot multi task. Oh well. But im cool tho. HAHAHAHAHAH~ Ok, whatever lily. Im bloody sleepy ok right now. So pardon my atrocious language (if it happens). I cannot stand people who think highly of themselves. People who look down on another. People who look good for people. People who aint rich but pretends they are. People who desperately tries to fit in at places they dont belong to. People who thinks that looking and being cool is the utmost importance in life. Well hey! Wake up la dey! I just dont understand what is in their head and it frustrates the hell out of me when i cant find the answers. Yes, i need answers. If not, ill go crazy. I do not wish to analyse people but sometimes, one cant help but wonder. Why is there a need to be fake? To be something or someone that you are not? I mean im not rich. Im like broke 80% of the time but fcuk! Im happy as hell sia. It is not me not having money that makes me unhappy. Im a very simple person and i do not dress up unecessarily. I cannot be bothered. They can judge me all they want cause i seriously dont give a fcuk. Because at the end of the day, your character is what makes you, you. People respect you for who you are and not for how you dress. (Of course if you dress up sluttily, then you should be judged la. DUH~) You can dress up all nice but if you character is like fcuk, you'll still be hated by many what. Im not saying that it is wrong to dress up cause some people are literally obssessed la. But i mean, do it only if you can afford it. And even if you can afford it, you shouldnt have the right to control what others wear. Yknow what i mean. If you dont, then you are plain dumb. :p And this is one of the many reasons why i love my dudettes! :) So yah. I wish the world would be a better place and i wish people would just wake up. P.S: No offence to anyone. This is just my voice la hor. So PEACE! Till then. 0 >> reply >> edit

[Wednesday February 25th, 2009 at 8:21am] I want to ride a horse. 0 >> reply >> edit

A very fine sunday, indeed. [Monday February 23rd, 2009 at 12:01am] My mum organized a gathering on Saturday at east coast. She booked 2 chalets cause of the huge family (that im proud off) that we have. So, the whole extended family came. The cousins who werent around almost half the time, came. We did major catching up so yah. Fik, Qarinah, Adri, arah and ain cycled, while i blade. It was tiring fcuk, esp the up hill but it was awesome. The feeling was.. aaahh! Satisfying. I seriously need to learn how to brake sia. Poor pantat. Giggles. Training just now was also awesome. We worked extra hard because there were only 4 of us. The punishment was extra horrible (no kidding!) but date and i took it in our stride. But we had fun, nonetheless. The reward, ice cream from cold rock. Ok what! Lily happy hor. Been craving for the ice cream there lor. And now, my whole body is aching. UURGGH~ But im happy. And they always say, that's all that matters ya. *Lily is praying that everything goes smoothly eventhough she is aware that bumpy roads are inevitable* Ok, im tired. So, good night world. Till then.   P.S: Check out our team SAMBOOKA'S website. [http://sambooka-nc.blogspot.com] 0 >> reply >> edit

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